Dear Leader
I came out of a couple of coaching sessions today with leaders wondering how to be in relationship with their team members in a way that is focused and supportive, while still allowing space for exploration, autonomy and creative thinking… especially when the answers aren’t yet downloadable or accessible for the team member…
The onus isn’t only on the team member.
Something essential comes from the leader’s intention in the room, and what happens to this intention as it feeds the relationship.
An Awareness of the Relational Field
I notice that creating moments where the leader and the team member have a dedicated time to think and dialogue together is a precious ingredient.
Not a top-down feedback slot, or a 20-minute reporting intervention where the leader half-listens
Because in these moments, there are other quiet creatures in the room.
Entangled histories, different contexts, values, assumptions, and unspoken tensions are coming too.
For example, a team member begins to speak about a delayed project.
The leader feels the urge to interrupt, to fix, to reassure.
Instead, they stay and are interested in where the team member’s thinking goes next.
Something else becomes noticeable: hesitation, pride, maybe a fear of disappointing. No one names it, but it softens the conversation.
Then the team member, because they are not interrupted or infantilised, feels supported. Thinking begins to move and expand.
An Entanglement in Practice
What emerges in these sessions is not “from the team member” or “from the leader” alone. It forms in the space between because they think together.
For example, the team member is struggling with an obstacle and feels things are complicated, hard, or not solvable so far.
The leader’s simple question: “What might be making this hard, if anything?”brings more than a single answer.
It can open a story about a client expectation, a past failure, a team dynamic, a quiet doubt, or an untrue limiting assumption.
The “problem” shifts. It is no longer carried by one person. It becomes something to look at, together.
A Generative Tension
There are moments where not knowing is more useful than knowing.
For example, the team member is new in the position, and an unexpected tech issue comes up internally. The leader feels they could give advice here. They might even be right. They know what they would do.
And still, they wait a few seconds, just a bit longer than what might feel comfortable.
The team member keeps thinking independently, and something new emerges, a direction that neither of them had in mind originally.
It’s unexpected, new, alive.
Like fruits we’re not picking too early, but that we let ripen on the branch of the conversation. The thinking tastes sweeter and nourishes…
Leading with a coaching style in a 1:1 conversation is not about producing answers quickly and abruptly. It’s a place where thinking is given enough care to arrive in its own time.
Time and attention become the quiet, relational nourishment of that effort.
What are your freshest thoughts?
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📬 I’m Servane, a Thinking Partner for Impact teams, helping them navigate transition, crises and conflict, and rethink relationships amid turbulence. Leading with a coaching style is a journey I can help you with.
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